


When Fitness Lands You In Jail

by Chicken_WithaSaber



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Comedy, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Rey and Ben are secretly a thing, Stormtroopers have feelings too!, Stuffed porgs are a thing ok, porgs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicken_WithaSaber/pseuds/Chicken_WithaSaber
Summary: A Stormtrooper's fitness journey lands him in the brig, where he is forced to watch Supreme Leader Ren flirt oddly with the air.
Kudos: 2





	When Fitness Lands You In Jail

_\-----I obviously don't own Star Wars------_

As he reflected from his dismal jail cell, Stormtrooper FN-2367 mused that he had always been rather insecure, even as a little child before the first order kidnapped him cruelly away from his family (And his favorite stuffed Porg). As a boy, he was always self-conscious, and had the tendency to pick at his flaws. Perhaps his self-conscious attitude was what had gotten him into this mess…….

Two weeks ago, supreme leader Ren had scoffed at poor FN-2367 as the trooper failed to lift an extra heavy container of ammo. To make it worse, that weekend General Hux was in another one if his foul moods and made fun of FN-2367 for not delivering a message quickly enough. It wasn’t poor FN’s fault that starships are enormous and that he had to run from one end of the ship to the other! The straw that broke the Wampa’s back, however, was when on Sunday, Supreme Leader Ren called him “Jabba” in a fit of anger. (You see, Supreme Leader Ren had gotten news that Poe Dameron had destroyed his favorite tie fighter, and so Kylo Ren was in one of his infamous… moods.) FN-2367 had had enough! If his superiors thought him to be physically unfit for the job, he would prove them wrong!

That night, FN-2367 searched all over the Holonet in hopes of finding a free workout program. (What? You actually thought Stormtroopers got paid? How naïve of you.) Soon he found a free program that promised to “strengthen and tone your beautiful body for when you walk down the aisle!”. (What? I told you, he didn’t have many options. Give the guy a break.) So FN-2367 started the program, and surprisingly, he found it quite hard. Who know such graceful, feminine exercises could burn so badly?! After a few weeks, he actually started to enjoy his nightly workout! His roommates stopped making fun of him for his “girly exercises” and even began to join in. Soon, all 2,187,349 troopers aboard Starkiller Base worked out together every night! Every trooper became stronger, more toned, and confident! (I guess the program wasn’t lying! Remarkable… If only it wasn’t also trying to sell pirated diet drugs straight from Coruscant’s lower levels… Just sayin’… Such a shame…)

However, just as the Stormtroopers were finishing their workout with a quick yet graceful ballroom dance set to the blaring loud Imperial March, an Imperial Officer burst into the room and informed them that the Supreme leader was having every trooper arrested for the noise and disturbance of peace, and that each trooper would serve a month in jail. Apparently, the Supreme Leader was “busy with delicate, personal matters of the heart, and required a quiet starship in order to “set the mood.’” Whatever that meant. In any case, soft classical love songs were heard coming out from under the Supreme Leader’s door. How odd.  
And so, as FN-2367 reflected from his jail cell a month later, he came to the conclusion that he did not regret his little venture into the world of fitness. He was fitter, stronger, and more confident than ever. Sure, FN-2367 may be stuck eating prison food and watching the Supreme Leader flirt unashamedly with the seemingly empty air, but hey; at least his calves looked great! (Who knew walking in high heels to “simulate walking down the aisle” could be so effective?!)  
Now if only he could get back to sterile white room and his stuffed Porg. (So what, he took his stuffed Porg with him when he was kidnapped! Don't judge!)


End file.
